Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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