You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
