went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You ate ashes out of my bong
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
