I hate all girls vehemently.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
