I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
