I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
