You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
