dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
