The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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