yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
