bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
