just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
