Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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