No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
