i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
