its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
