If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
