U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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