What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
