I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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