I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
