remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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