We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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