did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
