So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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