Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
