It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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