there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just high enough for therapy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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