Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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