I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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