i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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