i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
