So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
