There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
why is half of my head shaved?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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