i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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