a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
