Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm at about main and main street
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
