You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
