Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
