He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
