Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
