shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
