He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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