Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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