I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
