i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
