Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cut my penus on the lid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
