i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
40s are totally the cure
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
