Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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