Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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